Wednesday, April 28, 2010

First Fill

Hey Guys! I had my first fill yesterday and it went super smooth! I was a little nervous, but he found the port easy peasy. I have just over 2cc's in my band right now. I'm not schedule to go back for 6 weeks, but he said if I need to come back sooner, just call.

We are supposed to Zumba tonight-that is if the heavens align properly! My friend at work wants to walk at lunch, which is 3miles. So I think tonight I will be pooped! But I don't want to pass up an opportunity to work out with my buds.

NSV-I totally got checked out at starbucks this morning. Not gonna lie, it was nice and unexpected.

I didn't do the BYOC last week because I couldn't answer the question, "What do you hide behind". I don't like examining myself. But I've been giving this one a lot of thought.

I'm not really the funny girl or the shy girl. I think I'm the bitch. Now before anyone goes "DUHHHH!" let me explain. I think I take on the mentality that if I don't like you first, you can't not like me. I don't really have any friends other than my sisters. I have a lot of aquaintences, but not real friends. I set myself up that way though. My sisters have to put up with me because we're family-but friends leaves you open to rejection. Its really hard to even post this because I feel like I sound like a mean person. But I'm not really mean, just guarded. I have incredibly high standards, and most time people don't live up to them. I don't know how I got this way, but I do know that when I was younger I helped to take care of my brothers and sisters while my mom worked. I didn't really spend a lot of time out with friends like a normal kid. Maybe friends are out of my comfort zone?

I don't know this is getting to be a little much for me so I'm signing off! If you stayed with this one thanks! I know it was all over.


  1. Glad the fill went will. Will be curious to hear how it goes.

    Sounds awesome to walk AND do zumba. Way to go!

    I understand avoiding that question. I didn't want to answer it, too, but knew if I didn't do it then and there, I wouldn't - and it was a valid question with very pertinent self-reflection.

    With that said, I completely get your take. I don't know that I'd call it a bitch-thing - I think the guarded thing is more accurate. :) But it's that thing...if I don't let you hurt me, you can't. But...the trade-off there is that if I don't let you in, you can't.

    Friendship is an interesting trick, I think. It can be the most amazing thing ever and it can also be the most destructive thing ever. I think that friendships come and go pretty easily but if you can enjoy the people you are with at the moment, then you are doing good. And I think you have what you need if you have someone to go to zumba with. Ya know? I buy into that friends for a reason, season or a lifetime thing. And the lifetime friends - that's pretty rare.

    Thanks for sharing - and sorry to leave a rambling comment. All of it is just to say I get it. :)

  2. I know you have a ton of new friends online! I do the same thing with men so I know what you mean. I have lots of girlfriends and gay guy friends, but no straight guys. I've never been a big dater - I avoid guys and their advances because I don't want to get hurt. So I do the same thing in another way. I'm sure guys think I'm a bitch too. :) And I'm not!

  3. Glad your fill went well...hopefully you'll start feeling some restriction. I can totally see where you're coming from on the *itch thing. I think a lot of women, in general regardless of weight, are that way. I have a circle of close friends but otherwise, I'm with you. I think this is more predominant in women because women (in my opinion) play head games and can get catty with their friends more so than men would. So I think it's safe to say you are definitely not alone. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Congrats on your first fill!

    I do the guarded thing too. I can't tell you how many times once I've become friends or more comfortable with people they will tell me how they thought I was the biggest bitch ever when they first met me. I think for me it's a combination of being a bit shy and wanting people to like me.

  5. I only have one good friend that I can tell anything. The others I think of as acquaintances. Except for my on-line friends-go figure I find them tons more interesting. We'll see in Chicago. We can be bitchy together but I hope I can meet your high standards :D. Can't wait to meet you.

    Good NSV for getting checked out at Starbucks!

  6. Glad the fill went well! I totally get what your saying about acquaintances - I'm the same way & I do not like to examine myself either.

  7. First of all...congrats on the first fill, I'm glad it went well.

    Secondly, what an interesting rest of the post...and not in a bad way. I was reading it and was kind of like "geez, this is me sometimes!". Like you said, I tend to be more guarded than a down right bitch. Very interesting...

    Can't wait to meet you in Chicago!

  8. You got a fill before me? No fair Jens! I'm glad it went well though, I'm a little nervous about going Monday but like a drug...I NEED IT! Have fun at Zumba!

  9. Glad the fill went good!

    Congrats on getting checked out! What a confidence booster. Plenty more to come!

  10. Hmmm - made lots of sense - interesting. And wow - you got gawked at - how fun is that? You hottie you!

    Good luck at Zumba now that you know where it is! You must do BYOC next week - lol.

    And sweetie - you're wrong - you have tons of friends - all of us - and we have your back forevah! You can't get rid of us - we'll see you in Chicago!

  11. I know what you mean about friends. I have 2 really good friends that I've known for 22 years and I have my sister-in-law who is also my friend. I've tried to make friends with neighbors and women I work with, but for one reason or another, it never quite works out. I think I'm pretty easy going, but maybe I'm a bitch and don't even know it.