Today I had my second therapy appointment. While there I totally had an "aha" moment. I now know what it feels like to be on Oprah. I never realized how much of what we did as kids transfers into what we do today. I never really bought into that until today. I always knew that I was a procrastinator, but until recently I didn't really realize how this was effecting my family and my weight.
Today in the therapy session, we talked about this issue. We were talking about how when you have this much weight to lose, you think oh one more _______(insert food of choice) won't hurt because I'm already so big. I rationalize it, but really I'm just procrastinating. That part of my "diet" will start tomorrow, one more won't hurt or anything else. And then I get so overwhelmed because I've put it off for so long that I take an all or nothing approach. Ok, so I've rambled but while I was sitting there I thought about all of the stuff I do at home or in my personal/work life that fits this scenario.
The therapy term for this is deemed as needing "external motivation." I need an external motivator to get my behind in gear. For example, the laundry. I wait until we are out of socks before I do the wash. Why-because I hate laundry. Its unrewarding, never ending and just plain annoying. Most people do tasks they don't like just because they need to be done. No one likes laundry, but its part of being a grown up. There are tasks like this all over my life. Including but not limited to eating healthy and excersise. The therapist asked me what external motivator I'm looking for before I'll make these changes. Diabetes, heart disease, death?
The truth is I don't know. I don't know if I have a rock bottom. I know that I want to be normal. I want to be able to shop in a regular store, and play with my kids. I want to feel better about myself. I guess that's what attracted me to the band. Its an external motivator. It keeps you in check to a certain extent. Don't get me wrong I know its not a magic pill I don't mean it that way. But after today's session I also realized that without learning how to get internally motivated I won't succeed. I need to want all of those things more than food. I need to find a way to reinforce that any accomplishment big or small is one step closer to being healthy. So the homework until next time is to start small. One thing each night and make a list the night before with what I want to accomplish for the next day.
Sorry for the length in this one, and if you've hung in there til the end Thanks!!
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What a break through. Sounds like a great appt!
ReplyDeleteWhat was it that started you on the path to researching the band? I know for me, that was my rock bottom... I could probably fall further...but I've hit a deep enough bottom already.
I totally get what you mean. For me the externally motivator was not being able to get pregnant. Even though I was overweight, my weight had never gotten in the way of what I wanted to do before and that is what pushed me into getting healthy.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. I also don't know if I have a rock bottom, but I have a two year old and I don't want her to have a fat mom. That's it. I never had that outside force hit me so hard. I think getting the Band is admitting that you need help, which is a hard realization. You will do this because this time you will have help.
ReplyDeleteI had a huge external motivator - a diabetes diagnosis. I'm slightly ashamed it came to that, but at least I did get motivated. At least you are being proactive.
ReplyDeleteWow ya It took ALOT till I hit rock bottom. I had been diagnosed with diabeties, sleep apnea, PCOS, lupis, Degenerative joints and disks, and more. It was the same thing as leslie that pushed me over the edge. I went to go find out about my chances for children and they found cancer cells in my uterus. They said the only way to reverse it (it has to do with extra hormones) is to reverse my weight. It is embarassing that I let myself get that far. I felt the same way that the second mcdonalds cheeseburger in the day cant hurt because Ive already come this far. But Healthy here we come! We have our band on our side :D Always helps to have a friend.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I had to exhaust every other option before I had my 'moment' and admitted I needed help. I'm successful and in control of all other aspects of my life, so this was hard to admit.
ReplyDeleteWatching the weight go down also becomes it's own motivator as you go.
Thanks so much guys! It was really hard for me yesterday to realize how out of control I have let everything get. I feel overwhelmed by everything.
ReplyDeleteThe "fat mom" thing is huge for me. Also the "fat wife" thing. One of the things I told the therapist yesterday was when I take my kids to the park I'd like to swing with them and not have the swing hurt my behind. I also really want my kids to have a positive feeling about food. Food and Cooking are great ways to bring families together-but it doesn't always have to be cake and ice cream. lol
YEAY for "AHA" moments!! What a great realization about the "external motivation"! You can really tap into that and use it to your advantage. WRITE DOWN your "reasons"--different than your goals--make them as vivid as you can and read them over and over again. You're on the right track, girl!
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I'm glad the therapy sessions are being productive for you. My external motivator was also the "fat mom" thing. Not only do I not want my kids to be embarrassed by me but I also don't want them to battle their weight like I have. You have to lead by example, right?
ReplyDeleteVery insightful. Something I will have to chew on for a while. I think I fall into that category. When I was diagnosed with gall stones, I ate very well and lost 20 pounds lickity split just like that. Then I had my gall bladder taken out and I gained gained gained. I keep thinking I am pre-diabetic, but I am putting off going to the dr and finding out for sure. I know my life will change once I finally do that. It's not enough that I had secondary infertility and PCOS which alone makes it hard to lose weight and I am predisposed to diabetes! Ugh! You would think that would all be enough to make me say no to doughnuts!
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