Friday is weigh in day bullet style

• 188.2!!! Goodbye 190's! I'm so relieved. I was so nervous getting onto the scale this morning, because I thought those 180 numbers were a fluke the other days. So, minus the heartburn that I'm experiencing which I hope will subside, this fill is definately working. I feel a lot of restriction and its helping me to slow down and be more mindful. Since I know that I can't eat as much I find myself saying "Self, you can't eat much. Do you really want that _________(insert junk) or should you just eat your healthy lunch that you packed?" Don't get me wrong I still indulge but its usually something I really want, or after I've eaten my healthy stuff. Hopefully this fill will last longer than the others.
• I'm still working on getting the pictures for Jen to redo my blog. Its hard to find pictures that I like. I didn't want to be the fatty that puts pictures up of things because I hate how I look. I also didn't want to bombard with pics of my kids for the same reason. So I'm trying to come up with things that describe me or have meaning. Bear with me, I'll be working on that this weekend.
• On my last post. Dizzy's comment struck my heart. I'm not really ready to talk about it. Maybe I'll do a vlog so its not so long. Right now in this moment I can't. For the record though, I'm not upset with my husband. I know that he wants the best for me and I know that his heart is in the right place, because mine was when I asked him to get on meds. I know in my head that there is nothing wrong with medication. Thats why we have it. Maybe its admitting that I need it that I have trouble with. This is more of a vlog. Tell me now to stop talking. Please.

Holy Restriction Batman.....

So I have decided that I TOTALLY have restriction right now. Maybe a little too much but I am not willing to bet the farm on that just yet. I am able to get food down, I'm not sliming or PBing the only down side is I think the pain I'm feeling is heartburn. But not like the kind I had before I was banded. This is a sharper pain. But still I want to wait it out for a little while. I have an appt. with the doct 11/11 and if its still bad I may have him take a smidge out, but for now I will deal.

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I'm shooting for those 180's. They were still there this morning so we'll see. My exersise this week has been limited, but I am eating pretty well so I feel good about this week.

For something deeper. My husband told me last night that he thinks I should call the dr. and get back on some depression meds. I don't know how I feel about this. He wasn't being mean or rude, he's on them himself. But it makes me feel like less of a person somehow. I know that this is stupid considering advice that I have given out myself. But like everything its harder when its you. I'm still trying to process the comment from him. If I think about it long enough I burst into tears. So I try to ignore it, or make excuses. Some days I wonder what would happen if I just kept driving. Drive until I run out of gas.

Mysterious pains and ramblings

The day brings many surprises. For example, I was informed this morning by my boss that I don't know my "place/role" in my job. Uh-huh. I'm not sure if she is just trying to push my hot buttons or what but she is doing a good job at trying!

Also this mysterious pain, I hate to says it but I think its from my last fill. I'm not ready to say that I'm too tight yet because I can still get liquids and food down, I just think I haven't adjusted the slower eating part. I do eat slowly, but I think this fill may be the sweet spot so I need to slow it down more. Baby bites.

Last night I walked a mile point something something. Something, Something because I walked over to the park instead of driving and I took a 15minute walk at work. I'm not to hard core about the numbers, I just want to know for now that I did something. My fidgety daughter has cheerleading tonight pending she doesn't have a yellow or red day at school. She's been getting in trouble for being chatty, fidgety and playing in the bathroom. I'm not sure how I feel about her teacher, I didn't care for her when I met her. I have a lot of teachers in my family so I'm not making excuses for how my kid is behaving-please make no mistake that she does get "punished" for having bad days in school. I just question whether or not the teacher is patient. When I met her, for a kindergarten teacher she really wasn't all that friendly. She's fairly young-around my age. And when we got the progress report she did not request a meeting or give Maddie any bad grades, so I may be writing her a letter. I guess I'm sort of a snob about this because I do have so many teachers in my family. I'm also extra sensitive to Maddies behavior because of that.

I wish I had more profound things to say!

Holy Shit!! I won the blog makeover!!!

I would lke to first thank Jen for this awesome opportunity. And my gawdy earrings for always being there to pick me up when I feel down.

PS, I'm wondering if my pain in heartburn........

Does this happen to you?

In the morning my band is tighter no shock there. So in the morning about 5:30am-9am or so I stick to liquid. Protien shake, coffee and water. But I feel a pain in my stomach and I'm wondering if its the cold liquids. Its like I want to eat but I know that I can't. Does this happen to you? I could be totally off. Its almost like hunger pains but mainly uncomfortable.

PS, this morning I saw 190.6! Mother Effer, I need to kick it into gear this week so I can see the 180's!!!

Official Weigh In Day

191.8!!!!!

Review of the first workout w/ sister

Overall it was good, she was not a complete exersise nazi so I was thankful for that. We walked about 2miles. I'm trying to keep a log for her of food and exersise. I say trying because I stink at writing down everything. I forget easily. Of course since I haven't worked out in what feels like forever I got a cramp in like the first 5seconds!

I've been drinking that Click protein shake in the morning instead of the ice coffee to get some nutrition and its ok. I think it tastes better hot than cold so I have to wait until I get to work to have it. I'm going to order the vanilla next. I've also been making it with FF milk to get a dairy in. I snuck in a weigh in today and it was 192! I can't count anything until tomorrow the official weigh in day-but Holy you-know-what. This is uncharted territory. I'm kind of excited to see those 180's. I really don't remember the 180's. I remember meeting my DH at 174. That was 11 yrs ago.

This post is scattered and mainly just to jot stuff down. Happy Thursday!

Shout-outs and Exersise plans.....

Last night was one of the best nights ever. I have been explaining to my husband for what feels like FOREVER that I am overwhelmed. Things stink at work, I'm always doing all the housework, the cooking, the errands, the kids stuff-ya know the same as every other mom. But there are times that I crack. When it all gets so overwhelming that we have to have a come to Jesus meeting. The down side is they don't really work. He will help out for a little while, but it doesn't last long and things go back to the way they were. Kind of a vicious cycle.

But recently he's been super sweet. I asked him if he was dying-then I asked if I was dying! LOL. He is a sweet guy, but he's usually not as verbal as he has been. Ok so to the shout-out. Over the weekend I came up with a schedule that I read out to him with things for him, myself and the kids to do. He had a glazed over look so I totally did NOT think he heard me. Well, I was wrong. When we got home yesterday he had thrown in a load of wash, emptied Maddie's back pack, helped her with her homework and packed her backpack. I know it doesn't sound like much but even if it only lasted that day it was great.

Exersise Plans: My youngest sister, the skinny bitch, is studying to be a phys Ed teacher. She is also getting her spin instructors and personal training license. So I decided that I should reap the rewards of her fancy education and she is going to train me 2x a week! Tomorrow is the first day. I'm excited......I hope this will help keep me honest. I want to lose 15 by the end of the year-

Ok, I have talked enough for now!

BYOC-

1. Are you late, early or on time?

Early or On time. I hate people who are late. We may cut it close sometimes but I hate being late!

2. Name 3 things you dislike and 3 things you like:

Dislike: Bills!!! Working and bugs

Like: BLING!!! Things that are pink, and Fall

3. Are you a morning or night person?

Morning, but I need a full sleep to be my best self. I can't wait until the kids start to sleep in, I'm only asking for 7am-not too much to ask.

4. What is your favorite clothes store?

Right now I have been able to hit quite a bit in Old Navy or Macys the Style and CO. brand. I wish I had a little more variety. Walmart has some cute stuff for cheap I find that Targets doesn't really wash well.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in life and in blogland.

I miss Chicago. Everything about it. The weather, the people, the walking, the laughing. It really recharged my battery. The weather made me miss my family and where I'm from, and that then sent me into a mini depression knowing that I won't get that back. But that always happens. Whenever my family visits and then leaves I get depressed. I should be used to it by now. Getting back to real life is always hard after any trip so this week has been a bit of a blur!