Reflections

The end of the year always brings reflection. Good or bad it is what it is. I know that whatever happens in 2011 is up to me. I'm a huge Kelly Clarkson fan and one of her songs is really hitting home for me right now. Its called Sober. Its from one of her older albums but I wanted to share the lyrics. I think its about being sober from the intoxication of love, but for me being sober would be from the guilt and pressure I put on myself. Pressure to be the perfect wife/parent which I know is completely unattainable. I'll be lucky to get my kids through life with minimal therapy. I want to learn to let go in 2011........

And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over

And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It's never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I'm still standing here
Three months and I'm getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it's still harder now
Three months I've been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months

Three months and I'm still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

Getting back into the swing........

First of all thank you. The welcome back really made my day. I know its silly but I was worried that no one would even notice the post. So without dwelling, thank you.

On the weightloss front, I'm going to keep Friday as my weigh in day. Last time I got on the scale I saw 185. Not a huge loss or gain from the last post in October and given that its the holiday season and the stress I'm under I'm not disappointed with it. I know that I will get back on track. The DH wants to start eating better and exercising and I hope that he means it because it would really help to have a partner.

This is going to be a boring update because not too much is going on, but I need to get back into the habit!

This is awkward.

So I will just start from here. This has been a ridiculous couple of months. I let go of the blog world and I don't know why. I feel guilty about blogging again being gone so long, but I need to get back on track with things. I almost thought of giving the blog up completely. But then I thought that that would be something the old me would have done. Kind of like with the diets. Do well for a little while and then give up. I don't want to do that again. The truth is, I miss my bloggers. I could list a million reasons why I stopped blogging but I just think it boils down to the fact that I was depressed. When I get depressed I get introverted. I'll never be able to catch up so I'm just going to start over.

I'm ready for 2011. 2010 was filled with too many unknowns. Especially the last 6months. So here's to fresh starts.